Freedom House Survivor Stories Part 4

JAMES VICTOR BALMER - By Julia Balmer

In 1974 my husband Vic, my three children from my previous marriage, and I, left the shores of England to live in The Hague in Holland. Vic had accepted a job with an American company they wanted him to work in Holland before moving us to the USA in 1977. We bought a tall, skinny typical Dutch home with seven bedrooms and a tiny garden on the outskirts of the city. The children were enrolled in the British school of the Hague and we all began having Dutch lessons.

In 1976 Vic and I had been together for 6years and married for three, we decided it was time to have a child of our own. After an amazingly uneventful pregnancy and easy birth James Victor Balmer was born.
He was instantly adored by us, and by his three half siblings, Helen who was 17, Steven 16, and Trevor 13 too. He weighed in at 9lbs and was a gorgeous, happy healthy baby. James was 3months old when we moved to the USA and settled in Vermilion Ohio. We bought a lovely house on a small lake, there were about twenty other homes around the lake, the neighbors were very nice people and we became close friends with many of them. We were invited to clam bakes, Lake Erie perch fries, lamb and pig roasts and other events too numerous to mention, James would come with us. He thrived on the love and attention from his family and our friends. We went overboard with the “tooth fairy” and “Santa-Claus”events, to this day James still has the tiny notes with minute writing from his tooth fairy “Tinkerbelle”. We tried to teach him to be kind, caring, generous and loving. He was taught not to kill any living creature which may explain why he became vegetarian at the age of fifteen and is now a “Vegan”. We really enjoyed James’s childhood and documented every step of his way with photos, films and diary notations. My other three children were born with very little space between them so their early days are just a frantic blur whereas James’s were tranquil and precious. He spent a lot of time around adults, his brothers and sisters were much older than him, so when he was three years old we enrolled him in a nursery school so he could interact with children of his own age. He made friends easily and had a crush on his teacher. His elementary school years seemed to fly by. He did very well in all subjects and made many friends. He joined the cub scouts too. The lake would freeze in the winter so the children would ice skate. In the summer James and I would swim or take the canoe out and paddle around in it. He and his friends would try to catch the turtles and fish. When he was nine we bought him a tiny motor bike on which he would zip around the surrounding woods wearing a red helmet almost as large as he was.

In 1987 when James was 10 Vic was offered a job in California so we moved. Initially, James did not want to go because he had his friends, liked his home and his school. Vic’s new company flew us out to California to explore. James discovered boogey boarding and the skate board park which at that time was next to the Del Mar fair grounds and he was sold. We bought a home in La Costa with a swimming pool which we felt would make up for the missing lake. James started in 6th grade at the then new La Costa Heights elementary school. I was more nervous than he was on his first day at the new school. He settled in very well and soon made new friends. He had the lead in his class play “The little Peach Boy”. He had a short spell in Pop Warner foot ball and basket ball but was never really “a jock” as you Americans say. He did however love to boogey board; skate board and ride his bike. He became involved in BMX bike racing for a while and at twelve years old began taking guitar lessons. He went to middle school in Encinitas and
then to San Dieguito High School also in Encinitas. James’s grades were always excellent; he was on the honor roll and gained college credits in high school. With three of his friends he formed a band they called themselves “Useless,” they wrote their own songs, and won the battle of the bands they continued on to play shows at Soma, other venues and parties. They cut a Tape which was on sale at “Lou’s Records”.
The band collapsed when the members went off to different colleges. James took driving lessons we let him drive our van on condition that he came home by 10pm. He would pull into our driveway smack bang on the stroke of 10pm, it was uncanny. He became a vegetarian around this time and would make “Hacky Sacks” on my old sewing machine with his friend David, they also made very pretty beads from “Fimo” clay. He learned how to weld and won first prize at the Del Mar fair for an intricate belt buckle he made.
When he left school he worked part time welding custom made racing bicycles while attending Palomar College where he enrolled in their “Tag” program.

During all his baby, little boy, boy, teenage years James never, ever gave us any trouble. We would wait for it, expect it, but it never came, he was almost too good to be true.

Shortly after starting college he became involved with the Hare Krishna’s. We were upset and blamed ourselves for not including religion in his upbringing. He joined the Temple and became a devotee. He traveled the country from sea to shining sea distributing their literature and lecturing at Universities. He went to India dressed in saffron robes with his head shaved except for the little top-knot. When he visited us, we would try to understand but we found it difficult. He left the Krishna’s after two years, went back to school, got a job in the produce department at Henry’s and moved into an apartment. He began dating a series of pretty girls. He formed a new rock band called “Swan”; he acquired numerous tattoos, pierced his ears, but remained a very spiritual and philosophical person with an intense interest in nutrition.

James met Kristie in 2001. At last he had met his soul mate. They moved in together and love each other very much. They visit us often, usually with their two dogs. They cook us vegan meals and we watch movies. Two years ago Kristie made her dream a reality when she opened a lounge which specializes in organic beers and wine it also provides diverse entertainment from jazz groups to Irish singers. We were all very involved in getting it ready to open. James would help Kristie in the lounge, he also had a small nutrition consulting business and of course his new band “fing”, they had just cut their first CD and were ready to go on tour in February 07, but that was not to be because of the accident.

On December 4th our lives were shattered when James had his terrible accident. We received the call in the middle of the night that every parent dreads. We were also told that a girl had died and initially we thought it was Kristie. We so nearly lost our beloved boy. James’s brain has been severely injured; he was in a coma for almost three weeks, on life support, because his lungs became infected too. The Doctor gave us a very gloomy prognosis because of the severity of his brain injury; he was only a 3 on the Glasgow scale which is used to measure comas. When he woke up he could not move at all, he could not swallow, eat, or speak and he was incontinent. He had a gastro tube in place, a Catheter to drain his urine; he had to wear a diaper, and had a hole in his throat where the tracheotomy had been. His temperature would spike due to the brain injury, he was suffering dreadful shivering spells call “Neuro-Storming” again due to the injury. I can’t begin to imagine how terrified he must have felt, when he became conscious and was able to comprehend his predicament. He had developed painful bedsores too. He lost 50% of his muscle mass and his weight dropped to 132 lbs which considering that he is 6’4” was skeletal.

He was moved to Sharp Cabrillo on December 28th where he has been ever since. Over the past six months James has come back to us slowly. He is still very broken. He cannot walk on his own yet. The muscles in his right arm are contracted so he is unable to move it very well. His speech is very quiet and the pitch is higher than it used to be, he has trouble sometimes finding the words he wants. His memory is impaired. His laugh is strange. He has sudden mood swings, fits of frustration and depression and blurts out things that the pre-accident James would not say. He has muscle spasms which are scary to see. But although there are some personality changes which we have been told is to be expected in Severe Traumatic Brain Injury survivors, our funny, loving, sweet, kind and generous boy is back. He has shown amazing spirit, strength and determination in his attempt to get his life back. We are in awe of his strength.
He gets very frustrated sometimes because he is not improving fast enough and cannot walk yet. We were told by all the nurses and Doctors that his recovery would be long and slow and that we would all have to be very patient. His thought processes are still foggy.

Until recently he did not know that Angie had died in the accident. We were all afraid that he would have a bad reaction or completely shut down. A Neuro Psychologist gave us permission to tell James so Kristie, his best friend Pascal and us gathered around his bed and told him. He expressed his regret and said he felt like a murderer, he asked about her family. However, we are not sure that he will remember what we told him. He remembers nothing at all about the accident and according to the Doctors he never will. We are all very sorry about Angie and our hearts go out to her family.

James has an amazing support group of very good friends from all walks of life and of course he has us. We all intend to be with him every step of the way until along the long road to recovery, James knows that he is very much loved.